IT TAKES TWO: TEACHING YOUR LOVED-ONES HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR DIABETES

One of the toughest parts about being a person with diabetes in a relationship is the fact that you have to let those people love you. Sure, it’s not their disease so why should our diabetes be any of their business? But loving us means being concerned with our entire wellbeing, the same way we are concerned with theirs.

One of the toughest parts about loving a person with diabetes is that the kind of support they instinctively want to give us isn’t necessarily the kind of support we want, or the kind of support that even feels supportive! They don’t have diabetes, so they don’t always understand what helpful diabetes love should look like.

No matter how close you are to a person with diabetes, it’s easy to forget how endless the work of managing diabetes is every day. 

That’s where it becomes our job to teach the people who love us how to support us. It’s time to dig deep and think constructively about what would feel supportive. We can’t ask them not to care, but we can ask them to express their care in a different way.

5 Steps to Teaching Your Loved Ones How to Talk About & Support Your Diabetes

1. Make a list of the things the people closest to you do or say around your diabetes that feels very discouraging or hurtful or stressful, etc. Put them down on paper, be specific, and really explain how that phrase or statement or question makes you feel. You’re going to share this list with your loved ones, so remember to be thoughtful as you express these feelings!

2. Now, think of at least one thing the people closest to you can do instead to support your diabetes in a way that does feel supportive to you! 

For example:

• When they prepare a meal or recipe for you, you’d love to know the carb-count so you can dose your insulin properly. They can enter the ingredients into something like MyFitnessPal.com to get the nutrition facts or they can write it down on paper and figure it out—either way, it’s a huge help!
• When your blood sugar is high or low, you can explain to them that the one thing that would feel the most supportive is simply saying something like, “Is there anything I can do to help?” or “That must feel so frustrating—I know you’re working so hard every day to manage this!”
• For parents and teens, it is a parent’s right to know that you’re taking your insulin and you are safe, so you could establish a clear way to check-in every day. Instead of asking “What’s your blood sugar?” the moment you walk in the door, suggest to your parents that every night before dinner you’ll let them know if you had a smooth day with diabetes today or a more challenging day. Their most supportive response could be, “If you’d like to talk about it, I’d love to help you look at the numbers and see if there are any changes we could make to help things go more smoothly for you tomorrow.”

3. When everyone is calm and getting along, share your list of what does not feel supportive and then share your ideas for what would feel supportive. You could begin this conversation by saying, “Could we talk about my diabetes for a moment? I know you care about me, but sometimes the way you show your concern doesn’t always feel supportive to me.”

4. Establish a new set of ground-rules for when you are being treated in a way that doesn’t feel supportive. Instead of getting angry, you could agree that you will say to the person who loves you, “Mom, I know you love me and you care about my health, but what you just said to me doesn’t feel supportive.”

5. And then, ask your loved-one to think of a new way to express when they are especially frustrated or concerned about your wellbeing. Instead of badgering you or scolding you or completely freaking out, they could say something like, “Honey, I love you and I’m concerned about your blood sugar. Could we take a minute to talk about diabetes sometime today when you’re ready?”

Remember, everyone is on the same team. We all want the same thing: a healthy life with diabetes for the people who have that darn disease! And most of the people who love us don’t have diabetes, so we’ve got to teach them what diabetes love should look like…because it really is a good thing to be on the receiving end of love!

About Ginger Vieira

Ginger Vieira has lived with Type 1 diabetes and Celiac disease since 1999, and fibromyalgia since 2014. She is the author of Dealing with Diabetes Burnout & Emotional Eating with Diabetes & Your Diabetes Science Experiment. & Pregnancy with Type 1 Diabetes: Your Month-to-Month Guide to Blood Sugar Management. Ginger is also the Editorial Director at DiabetesDaily, with a B.S. in Professional Writing and background in cognitive coaching, video blogging, record-setting competitive powerlifting, personal training, Ashtanga yoga, and motivational speaking.